Behind the Bluff
Uncover best practices to participate in life on your terms. Every week, hosts Jeff Ford and Kendra Till guide listeners with short conversations on trending wellness topics and share interviews with passionate wellness professionals, our private club leaders, and additional subject matter experts offering valuable tips. Each episode conclusion includes Healthy Momentum, five minutes of inspiration to help you reflect and live differently. Subscribe now and discover the keys to living your greatest active lifestyle.
Behind the Bluff
The Single Most Overlooked Variable to a Long Life
Can nurturing your social connections actually lead to a healthier, longer life? Join us as we unravel the often-overlooked yet vital aspect of wellness—social connection—unlocking the secrets to reducing stress and boosting happiness through meaningful relationships. Hosts Jeff Ford and Kendra Till are your guides on this enlightening journey, where the impact of feeling connected is shown to be just as critical as diet and exercise. We journey to Okinawa, Japan, to explore the "Moai" support groups that contribute to the impressive longevity of its people, showcasing the profound effect of social bonds.
Prepare to rethink what it means to connect with others as we highlight the power of community and shared experiences. Discover how adventures like the Trails and Ales trip can forge bonds that enhance well-being, rivaling even family ties. We also delve into the dual benefits of fitness classes, where physical exertion meets social interaction, fostering both health and friendships. Our episode provides practical tips for strengthening relationships through active listening, gratitude, and quality time, emphasizing the importance of unstructured family moments that leave lasting impressions.
As we wrap up this year on a reflective note, we encourage you to set attainable relationship goals and embrace routines that prioritize personal connections. With the holiday season upon us, it's a perfect opportunity to engage genuinely with everyone around us, from loved ones to those we encounter daily. Expressing gratitude and kindness, even towards strangers, enriches our lives and promotes personal growth. As we express our heartfelt gratitude for your support throughout our journey, we remind you to embrace these insights and prepare for new beginnings in 2025. We'll be back with fresh content on January 8th, 2025, and look forward to continuing this journey with you.
Are you ready to live an active lifestyle? Welcome to Behind the Bluff, where we believe every moment of your life is an opportunity to pursue wellness on your terms. I'm your host, jeff Ford, and today I'm joined with fellow co-host, kendra Till.
Speaker 2:Hello everyone.
Speaker 1:We are excited for this conversation because, just like us, we bet you have family coming into town for the holidays. For many of you, just like us, you're spending more time with friends attending parties. This is that time of year where relationships they tend to be the priority, and what's interesting about this is are your relationships a priority year round? So today we thought we'd have a discussion on the single yes, single, kendra most overlooked variable to a long life. Ooh, yeah, yeah. That's a big one and, just like you, kendra, and and me, this is one of those variables that we often forget about. So, listeners, I bet you didn't know this or you maybe haven't thought about it in a while Feeling connected to the people in your life can actually extend your life.
Speaker 2:That's super fascinating.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Super fascinating.
Speaker 1:You ready to dive in?
Speaker 2:I'm ready, I'm ready, and I do. It's timely where we're at end of the year, you know, celebrating with friends and family, and so I guess what I'm curious about is what is this sense of like feeling connected? How does that impact our physical health?
Speaker 1:The quickest way to explain this science is when we think about hormones. Cortisol goes down when we feel connected just on the regular, and then when we're with people and connected to them, oxytocin goes up. Now, by no means are we relationship connection experts, but what we find in the research is that adults with strong friendships they have a lower risk of depression, blood pressure is typically lower and their weight is usually controlled.
Speaker 2:That's really fascinating. So just by spending time with the people that you are close with and friends and family can actually have those physical impacts on your body.
Speaker 1:And when we think about it. We care so much about how fit we are, how and what we eat like when we eat, and oftentimes we're solely focused on what's out there in traditional health media which is all about what we're putting into our bodies, how we're moving. I think we do tend to see mental health more in the scene, but there's typically not devoted conversations just about nurturing your relationships and having a plan around them, especially within our culture.
Speaker 2:You know, I think that's something that is lacking absolutely, because these other things are priorities, like you said how do I look, physical fitness, all of that but this is a big one, like you said, it's. It's a, it's a key for longevity, and one that should be at the forefront of our minds more often, and when you're developing feelings of love with not only your family members but with people you work with, friends.
Speaker 1:it has this feeling of trust and belonging that leads to that release of oxytocin. Lease of oxytocin I think there are many times in all of our lives where we don't feel like we're in a place of belonging or we need to prioritize this, and so hopefully we can glean more light on how to do that here today.
Speaker 2:Love it. So I've mentioned just briefly, like it's not really a part of our culture. It's not, you know, the social connectedness and the importance of it. So could you you know there are certain cultures out there that do you know prioritize that and have better longevity because of these systems, yeah, these practices in place.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. And and system practices it's. It's definitely the, the language that I think is valuable to use in in thinking about breeding connection with the people in our lives. This is most pronounced literally hard to pronounce in Maui groups in.
Speaker 1:Okinawa, japan. Now. We had David Chesworth on probably about 20 episodes ago and we spoke about blue zones. We did not dig into this culture of Mao I groups because we didn't stumble onto how feeling connected impacts your physical health. But what's so interesting about this practice in Japan is that parents pair their kids immediately into a group of five individuals, and these five individuals are their Ma'ai group and they spend their entire life with this group of people. They essentially are paired so that they can go through life together, they can share advice and they even share financial assistance. What's astonishing is that this becomes not only their second family, but you can imagine the connection that we would all get from having a second family, but Moawis also have an average age of 102 years old.
Speaker 1:Wow, so these small groups of people have, on average, spent more than 90 years together before they pass.
Speaker 2:I mean imagine the relationship formulated from that time together Do you know anyone for 90 years no. I mean, we know, you're not that old yet. I'm not that old yet.
Speaker 1:I think it's so interesting because the catchphrase with this practice is meeting for a common purpose. Love it, and I think we all meet for a common purpose, especially our team every single week for a department meeting. But I think, even reflecting on my own life, there hasn't been consistent times where I meet with even my family for a common purpose.
Speaker 1:And I don't spend that type of time. So it's very interesting that when we see this in a culture, a practice for a very long period of time, it becomes like this commitment for life that these people have and they begin their life with it.
Speaker 2:So cool and you'd mentioned they're sharing financial assistance and life experiences. So the ups and downs of life you have someone to turn to. So someone to share, someone reliable, to share those parts of life that might be really difficult, or to share the highs and things that you want to celebrate. And how cool is that.
Speaker 1:And people who aren't blood. Yeah, I think there are certain things that we're able to share with our family members.
Speaker 1:And sometimes we need a group of peers to help us through things, and I most relate this to a practice that I personally started it's been about a year now a practice that I personally started, it's been about a year now, I'm part of a small group outside of our church and they're essentially our church family, and it's six in total of us three couples and we spend an hour to an hour and a half a week together. What's so interesting about the Maui groups is they almost talk daily, sometimes depending on the group, but they are spending a devoted section of their week having a planned gathering time where they can all converse and be together.
Speaker 2:How does that make you feel, knowing that you have this group?
Speaker 1:It's interesting. At first I was like this is weird. What are we doing, lindsay? Why? Why did you tell us to?
Speaker 1:you know, get involved in this and the more and more that you meet, you connect with these folks that you'd never would have connected with in the past. At the level you're connecting with them, and I think that's what's so interesting about relationships is sometimes we we go to the people who are most like us. We spend the most time with friends who maybe don't challenge us, and I've found that it's helped me to grow not only spiritually but personally and professionally, because you're paired with these people, very similar to the Maai groups, where I didn't know these folks going in, and now we're doing study, we're focusing on our faith and we're together on a consistent basis. So it's it has been a game changer.
Speaker 2:And I think there's.
Speaker 1:It's an interesting relationship. I'm not doing it to live to 102. However, there are ways of doing this in our society today that I think just a lot of us have not thought about. Um, how about in a club setting Like, think about it we operate a club. Community is big here.
Speaker 2:Right. Well, and I, just on reflection too, I think what's really neat about you know the Moai group and and you know the group that you meet with, is there's a, an intention and a sense of purpose of why you guys are meeting and together and it's to be there for each other.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Through the ups, through the downs as you said and back to the common purpose is we do have a common purpose.
Speaker 2:Absolutely yeah and um.
Speaker 1:I think that's the same for our team. Like we have a common purpose. We want to uh make the best wellness experience possible here at Palmetto bluff. And it's interesting when you do have a common purpose, there's a lot more energy that goes into those conversations and a lot more commitment and trust that's built.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and just what you mentioned with the, with the club environment and you know people from what I've gathered when I've spoke to members here. One of the main driving factors for them moving here is to have a community of people that they can share life experiences with, and I think it's really cool to see some of the relationships formulated and life experiences that they do together.
Speaker 2:For example, people went trails and ales together and they had those really cool experiences and things that they hadn't done before in life, ever, and here they are sharing it with these people, and they've created these amazing who they just met because they moved here together. Exactly and bonded and probably shared more than what they would have with their family members through some of the time that they spend together and that's the power of a club, just to go back.
Speaker 1:So listeners who aren't our members necessarily, trails and Ales is a trip that we take up to North Carolina. It's three days together, three overnights, four days hiking and whitewater rafting. That we did this past year A lot of things that I think folks wouldn't normally do on their own, but it's guided by our team.
Speaker 1:What struck a chord for me, kendra, is talking about referencing why people even go to our fitness classes. When you talk about the conversations that happen in our classes, I actually had a conversation with a member I think this was last week early last week and he was like there's only two reasons I come to y'all's fitness classes he goes. One you make me things, make me do things that I'm not going to do on my own, and two, he even phrased it as, most importantly, this is my social time. This allows me to connect with other people and it's fun for me to be around other people because I wasn't doing that before when I was working out on my own.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So I found that to be a powerful, quick interaction. I was like you know what that is. The power of a club, yeah, is the different offerings that are available only to club members to create these Maui groups if you think about it, because life should be experienced with other people. Yeah.
Speaker 2:That's what brings a lot of the joy to it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and there's plenty of research to support that. Loneliness decreases longevity. So, if you're feeling lonely. There's going to be some steps today that we share that can allow you to create these deeper connections with people who maybe aren't your family.
Speaker 2:For sure. I'm sure a lot of the listeners are probably thinking of the same question, but I'm curious what can we do to strengthen existing relationships?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so strengthening existing relationships is where we definitely want to have a plan around those relationships. So the most important thing to start with, in my opinion, would be listening to the people in your life actively listening. Actively listening yes, and active listening is when you hear what they say, you maybe repeat it back and you seek to understand versus jump in with what you were going to say next. I am the number one offender of this because, I am always thinking about something and it's hard for me to practice restraint.
Speaker 2:So you got to practice your active listening skills, yeah yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1:So that would be one way of looking at how you can strengthen your relationships.
Speaker 2:And that's something people can practice regularly, straight away, right now.
Speaker 1:right, yeah, we've got more for you but maybe you do hip pause and go start active listening so active listening.
Speaker 2:And then, what would be another tool or strategy to help strengthening, strengthening existing relationships?
Speaker 1:the second tool that I think's important is expressing gratitude. I'm a big write a gratitude note to someone. You are great at that. I think a note is very powerful these days outside of email text. It just doesn't mean as much when it's electronic, Taking the time to write something that you're grateful for and trying to go deeper with what it is. I think we get a lot of presents around the holidays. We get a lot of gifts and instead of just thanking people for the gifts you receive, thank them for who they are.
Speaker 2:Oh, I like that. That is really powerful because you know you think about when you do write a thank you card to someone. You have that time to reflect on, like really getting to the bones of why you are so thankful for them and their presence and their existence in your life.
Speaker 1:And the detail behind it. Yeah, it's like I think of everyone on our team and I can come up with three very distinct details of why I'm grateful for them. Yeah, no.
Speaker 2:I think that's a very uh important strategy and tool to help strengthen existing relationships. Super powerful and super easy, if you think about it.
Speaker 1:Pretty much completely free.
Speaker 2:I actually went to Walmart this morning and picked up a bunch of gratitude cards and thank you cards.
Speaker 1:I love to have them on stock and. I'm always running out and I think if you have them on stock then you can be more intentional about writing those messages to your friends, to your family.
Speaker 2:Love it. Love it Any other tools or strategies?
Speaker 1:The last one for today, when it comes to strengthening existing relationships, is prioritizing time with loved ones, and this comes from me personally, because it's hard for me to turn off of work. It's hard for me to fit everything into my day that I want to fit in.
Speaker 1:And I think it's easy for me to say, oh, I'm going to hang out with me and Lindsay at this time. The other variable I've learned to this is that the time that and I heard this recently the time that your kids remember the most is the unstructured time that you spend with them. And unstructured is as simple as going up and playing with your kids impromptu hey, do you want to go in your playroom? Unstructured is hey, let's go outside and hop on some bikes and go around the neighborhood. What's big for my family and I is after dinner time. It's very helpful for a type A individual like me who would keep working or go right into reading, because it's that time where Mia doesn't always want to go. But right now, with the Christmas lights, everything's going, everything going on. We're able to get her out there, get active, but do it all together. And it's probably the only time in our day that all three of us are together, besides dinner, where we're going right after no, I mean you think.
Speaker 2:I mean I reflect on when I was a kid and I can even still remember when my dad would, when we lived in iowa very rural iowa and we'd like go out and behind the cow pastures and my dad I remember we would play you would literally go in cow pastures and I still remember when my dad would do that with me, and it was just super unstructured, yeah, and such and such fond memories.
Speaker 1:You didn't do like cow tipping. That's illegal.
Speaker 2:I never did that. I always felt bad for the cows that would be tipped.
Speaker 1:I grew up in pretty rural Massachusetts where they're not super rural. Yeah 30 minutes from Boston? Yeah, but there were farms around and you would hear about people tipping cows.
Speaker 2:So you never did it either.
Speaker 1:I never did that yeah.
Speaker 2:I never partake in those.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean I'm not going to admit to guilt on air, but this time I don't have to.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, right, no but I can definitely relate to what you're saying with the unstructured time. I think we are so quick to you know, write out our day 8 o'clock. I'm going to be here 9.30. I'm going to be here. I'm going to make sure I do this, this and this and life admin stuff and all the things, and it is I'm going to say. It's hard to carve out unstructured time. It's hard.
Speaker 1:It's uncomfortable, it is.
Speaker 2:But I can see the value and the importance of it For yourself, for your relationships.
Speaker 1:It's like you don't always have to have a plan. This time of year there are a lot of plans, so it's a good reminder for all of us to take some time over this season to seek out the unstructured time you don't always have to be achieving. That's something I constantly remind myself of. We deserve breaks. We deserve to just achieving. That's something I constantly remind myself of. We deserve breaks. We deserve to just be.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and like you said too, I mean this is such a gift giving time and, as cliche as it is, there's no greater gift than your presence and time with the people that you love and are important to you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a great example. People aren't going to remember what you give them on December 25th 2024. We are going to forget what we received this year. So what's probably more important is your presence and your time.
Speaker 2:I love that other actionable steps that listeners could take, um, you know, habits that they could, to start to, I guess, make sure that they are going to live a long life and and have these, you know, and you know putting the relationships first and and having that as a priority.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's go back to a bit of some research for, uh, a second action step and then we'll we'll put a bow on this present today.
Speaker 2:Thanks for spending time with me today. Yeah, no, no, it's been, it's so fun.
Speaker 1:We've been looking forward to doing this. One An actionable step is reflecting on are you selfish or are you selfless, and I have been looking at this a lot in my life and I figured it'd be smart for us to go through it just briefly today, because there's a study that's been around since the early 80s and it was published by a researcher and psychologist, dr Larry Sherwitz, and what was so interesting is that this study analyzed over 600 men and what they were looking for is if there was a relationship with how selfish someone was and their heart health.
Speaker 2:Okay, very interesting.
Speaker 1:Yeah, interesting correlation and how they were measuring this is the use of these men of first-noun pronouns. So they interviewed and had conversations with all 600 men and they were looking to see whether or how frequently excuse me, they used I, me or mine first first pronouns.
Speaker 1:and what they found is that those who more used these nouns, they were more likely to develop heart disease or suffer from heart attacks wow and I know that's a jump, that's a big leap to saying if you're selfish, your heart is going to be impacted, but it blew me away in reading it, because we need to collectively go back to the first action step that we've already shared, which is listen without regard when other people talk.
Speaker 1:We're so caught up in our own needs and desires and our interests sometimes that we start living selfish in different components of our world, and I think this highlights that the more you put other people first, the healthier you're going to be, the longer you probably are going to live, because there's purpose behind helping other people versus just serving yourself. Selfish people disregard how their actions affect others, and I believe that deep down, we all know when we're being selfish, and so the action step here is to think about how you can be more selfless this season and into the new year. We're going to talk about this and dig deeper into this in our first series. Selfless people, plain and simple, they literally put others' well-being before themselves and others' needs before themselves, and I am inspired and motivated that if we had a world of people who were selfless, we would all be better off.
Speaker 2:I agree. Wow, what is such a powerful message? And again, something that can be so easy and practical. We pay attention to the words that you're using and your thoughts and, yeah, just how you are in the world and it's. It's again such an easy thing to do, rather than saying I me.
Speaker 1:Mine.
Speaker 2:Mine. Yeah, change that verbiage.
Speaker 1:Watch your pronouns. It's something, even on this podcast, that I personally am aware of. That's the call to action here is some self-awareness around your pronoun use. We is big for me, especially when it comes to our team.
Speaker 1:You know, we do get a lot of compliments and I love the compliments. It means a lot. It's so important that folks understand that teams and groups of people are what builds, build things, and you can't build anything great without we right and I. It's so related to this topic today that it's applicable to all dimensions of your life, professional and personal.
Speaker 2:I love it so powerful.
Speaker 1:You're very selfless person. Oh thanks, Jeff. That's really kind, I think you are too.
Speaker 2:No, it's interesting how you can reflect on that aspect with family and your closest friends and, like you said, work environments or environments or you know, if you have hobbies that you share with others and just yeah, like how you can?
Speaker 1:it's such a simple shift of thought that is so powerful and has incredible effects it's a great reflection because I do think we do better in our I and and I'm speaking from experience I think professionally I use we even more and then at home I'm not as good at it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And and that's something I'm working on, and I think um looking at those different worlds is helpful the way you phrased that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's, it's hard, it's definitely like you said, it's something that there's always areas that you want to work on and it's yeah, it's, yeah, it's. It's definitely opened my eyes into how I can structure my, my days and my, my conversations and make a powerful difference in that regard. So, okay, so any other habits, things that our listeners can take away from? We've covered a lot here today.
Speaker 1:We have covered a lot today and I think we're at that point where it's like, okay, we've shared three or four different action steps active listening, express gratitude, prioritize time with loved ones, specifically unstructured time, and then we just finished off with be selfless, not selfish, which is very global, very macro level maybe the best tip that we have for strengthening relationships in your life. To make this even more tangible, we're going to dig into this in our first three-part series, and this three-part series is going to be called Imperfectly Consistent.
Speaker 2:I like it.
Speaker 1:And I'll go into that more.
Speaker 2:I was getting excited to share more.
Speaker 1:But it's going to stem from a TED talk that I did last November about a year ago and it's all about how to create change but, more specifically, how to be imperfectly consistent in order to achieve those changes, because I am a believer that we're not going to be perfect. We have to get to a place of consistency and we have to start slowly. So what I'm going to share today, as our bow on the present, is to not just listen today, to take a step back and create a plan for your relationships for 2025. The best way of going about this is to have one new goal for your relationships. Some examples could be you're going to have a date night monthly with your significant other, and this is something you haven't done before. So a goal is something you haven't done before. You haven't been imperfectly consistent at.
Speaker 1:The second thing to do to write out is what's your routine with your relationship? So, if we just go back to an example that I shared, what are you doing daily with your family? What are you doing daily with friends? What are you doing daily with fellow club members that you can identify as a routine? I'm a huge routine guy and in our system that we use for helping people create change and be imperfectly consistent is they have one routine that they do for their success, and then they have one goal the goal is new for the year that they do for their six Fs, and then they have one goal the goal is new for the year. The routine is something that we add to each year. We're in existence and if we are like my Y groups, if we just add slowly to our routines, we're gonna be crushing it.
Speaker 2:We live into 104.
Speaker 1:Yeah all facets of our world.
Speaker 2:That's awesome.
Speaker 1:In summary create a plan.
Speaker 2:Love it.
Speaker 1:That's the one habit you could do today with the action steps that we've shared.
Speaker 2:Imperfectively what is it Imperfectly consistent.
Speaker 1:Got it, it's kind of like an oxymoron.
Speaker 2:It is. Yeah, I like it, it's catchy.
Speaker 1:Because consistent would lead closer to perfection. Yes, and we're going to be telling you to do the opposite and still be consistent.
Speaker 2:Love it. It's so weird Like you can do it. Yeah, it's actually possible. Well, I'm excited for those episodes, which I've thanks so much for just sharing this topic. I think it was a great way to polish off the end of the year and so timely with where we're at with the holidays and I've got some goals in mind. I'm excited to take some little nuggets of what we talked about and then make them applicable in my own life. So I'm inspired. When it's just you and me, too, I'm inspired.
Speaker 1:Couldn't agree more and uh, listeners, just be aware that we're going to take the next couple of weeks off. Uh, we have been perfectly consistent with a podcast for over 45 episodes this year, so we're super proud. We're humbled that we've been able to keep this consistency. We hope you're enjoying the content that we put out. Uh, we've already got quite a few episodes in the bank, with more club professionals, more concepts that are going to help you to pursue wellness on your terms, and feel free to hang out with me for one more healthy momentum to get you set through the end of this week and through your holiday season.
Speaker 2:Thanks everyone.
Speaker 1:We spent this episode talking about how feeling connected and how the effort you put in to strengthen your relationships does impact your physical health, your longevity. But the final reflection I have for you on this last healthy momentum of the year is a question how do you treat the people that you don't know? For example, when you're at a party or at a work function with your team? Maybe at that party you're with your partner and you're introduced to someone new, are you interested in them? Are you curious about them? Do you genuinely ask questions to get to know them better? To get to know them better? We all don't do the best job of trying to get to know people. We default to surface-level questions and we fail to ask questions at all. We tend to be more comfortable talking about ourselves or the latest updates in college football.
Speaker 1:Expressing a genuine interest in people we don't know is powerful. It's needed. This is a time of year where we spend more time out shopping, having dinners at restaurants or even picking up fun coffee drinks at Starbucks, because there's so many great twists to the latte. This is a time of year where we're spending more time with people who serve us. The follow-up to my question here today is more specific to these people. How do you treat the people that you don't know who serve you? Do you check in with them? Are you genuinely concentrated on them when you're at the checkout line? As someone who's been in hospitality for about 15 years now, I have seen it all Human behavior. It's interesting. I have seen people at their best with how they appreciate others, and I've seen people at their worst when a service failure occurs. We can't forget that genuinely expressing gratitude for the people who serve us, the people we don't know, is powerful. So, as you depart from our time together this week, start planning how you want to foster deeper connections with the people in your life who are important to you. Identify the one routine that you're going to stick to, the one goal that you want to add to your plate this year, and remember how you treat people that you don't know is just as important as how you treat those that you do know.
Speaker 1:That's a wrap on our last episode of 2024. Can't wait for a new, fresh year. We're going to have more content, as we've mentioned, and just want to express the utmost gratitude, appreciation for you, the listener, who's been with us every single week. We can't do what we do if it wasn't for you, and we're so looking forward to a great upcoming year. Of note, just understand, as we've mentioned, that we will be taking a break for the next couple of weeks. You can expect the first episode of 2025 on January 8th. Until then, remember to actively participate in life on your terms. Thanks everyone.
